Nagusame Part 4

(To read Part 1, click here.)

(To read Part 2, click here.)

(to read Part 3, click here.)

After dinner Marin retreated to her room to have a quiet cry, although it was more over her ruined dreams than losing Beau to Cherie. She only stopped when she thought of what she had done with Kai at his house. She should have felt confused and upset over getting her first kiss from him, and getting in bed with him and letting him touch her had been reckless. Yet she didn’t feel sorry that she had. He had comforted her, just as he’d said he would – and she felt pretty sure she had done the same for him.

What was wrong about that? They’d both been hurt, and needed to feel better.

When Marin woke up the next morning she had a headache and puffy eyes. Her mother fussed over her, checking her temperature and making her take a Tylenol. James kept watching her as they ate breakfast, but didn’t say anything until they walked together to the bus stop.

“I guess you heard the news about Beau and Cherie,” he said.

“I saw them together yesterday.” She realized something and glanced at him. “That’s why you said I should talk to him after the practice, right?”

Her brother grimaced. “Yeah, well, I thought you should know.”

“Next time, stupid, just tell me.” She bumped her shoulder against his arm. “Besides, I’ve got better things to do now than mope over Beau and Cherie.”

James frowned. “Like what?”

“None of your business.” She went over to join a group of neighborhood girls at the bus stop.

Marin made it through her first class at school without giving away how she felt about Beau and Cherie, which made her feel proud of herself. Then she saw the boy she loved walking and holding hands with his new girlfriend, and nearly tripped over her own feet.

“Hey, Marin,” Beau said, grinning at her as they passed by.

“Hey.” She made herself smile back and nod at Cherie, but as soon as they left the hall her throat tightened and her eyes stung. Seeing them together stomped on her dreams all over again, and it was going to be like this all year. As her tears spilled over she stepped into a doorway alcove to search in her purse for some tissues.

“Mari.” A long arm came around her and pulled her back against a hard chest. “Don’t cry. You did well.”

Kai’s low voice and the scent of pine and rain made her go limp.

“I don’t think so.” She wiped her cheeks with her fingers, embarrassed that he had seen her like this. “I’m such a mess.”

He put his other arm around her. “Then think of me.”

Marin felt his lips against the curve of her ear, and then caught her breath as he bit her earlobe. It didn’t hurt, but it felt shocking – literally, as if he’d sent a bolt of electricity through her. Then he let her go and stepped out of the alcove, walking away as if nothing had happened.

“How was that comforting?” she muttered, rubbing her still-tingling ear as she hurried to her next class.

For the rest of the day Marin didn’t watch out for Beau and Cherie, but she did look for Kai. She didn’t spot him in the cafeteria, and the only class they had together was first period. She didn’t even know where his locker was; in fact she just didn’t know anything about him as a person. He'd never talked to her the way other boys had. She wasn’t even sure what was going to happen between them.

What surprised her was how much she didn’t care.

Thinking about Kai made her sadness fade, and being with him had made her feel better. He really was the only one who could understand how she felt. She was the same thing for him. No one knew about them, or why they were together.

It was their secret. It was kind of weirdly wonderful, too.

After her final period, Marin put away her books and her backpack, and slowly walked out to the parking lot. She saw Kai sitting on his bike and waiting. He looked at her with no expression as he held out his spare helmet.

Marin took it. “It’s weird to say this after what we did yesterday, but you are a total mystery to me.”

“Does it matter what I am?” He sounded indifferent as he looked past her. “We are only together for nagusame.”

He must have seen Cherie and Beau, too.

Some kids walked past them, so she leaned close enough to whisper against his ear, “Why did you want me to think about you all day?” Then she bit him, exactly the way he’d done to her.

When she drew back Kai didn’t look indifferent anymore. “Come home with me, and I’ll show you.”

This time when they got to his house he took her directly back to his bedroom. He put his backpack in his closet, and then came to her and held out his arms a little. She walked up to him, and he hugged her. He didn’t try to kiss her, but he held her against him tighter than yesterday. She brought her hands up to his waist and tucked her head under his chin. Pressing her hands against his sides, she could feel how tense he was. She started rubbing his back slowly.

“You thought I was going to bail on you,” Marin guessed.

He sighed. “When I grabbed you in the hall, I was thinking of myself and my anger instead of you.”

“That’s okay.” So, he had seen Cherie, and felt the same awful emptiness she had. “We’re okay.”