Nagusame Part 2

(To read Part 1, click here.)

Marin watched Kai retreat back into the house, and went over to the screen to look out at the strangeness of his rock-and-sand yard. It seemed so stark and unfamiliar compared to her mother’s rose garden, and yet something about it felt just the way she did. It also looked a lot like the Japanese exhibit at the botanical gardens.

Was he Japanese? She didn’t know that, either.

She had seen him in her classes a few times. He sat at the back, kept quiet, and yet always got the best grades. He ate with some other Asian kids in the cafeteria, and they all brought their lunches in small, stacking boxes and ate with chopsticks. When they were together they spoke in low voices, and not in English. For some reason everyone left them alone, even the worst bullies.

That was all she knew about Kai.

Coming here with him had been the most reckless thing she’d ever done with a boy. She hadn’t told anyone she was going, so no one knew where she was. Maybe he’d brought her here to do something to her.

Maybe he’ll kill me after and bury me in a shallow grave.

Marin reached into her purse for her phone to call her brother, and then decided against it. She watched too many murder mysteries on Netflix. That was probably all she was going to be doing now. Oh, and she was going to be alone for her senior year watching Beau with Cherie, too. If she made it to college, she’d also have to see them together there.

She could always ask Kai to kill her. That would definitely be less painful than the next five years of her life. A weird laugh rose in her throat, making her swallow hard.

“The tea is ready,” he said from behind her.

Marin turned to see him put a tray on the low table and kneel down on the mat. Going to the other side, she did the same thing. The tea he’d made looked bright green and foamy.

“This is matcha,” he said as he offered her one of the small cups. “It is a little bitter.”

“Thank you.” She took a sip. The tea tasted like the air smelled after her brother mowed the lawn. It wasn’t terrible, just peculiar, like his garden. She wondered if he had warned her that it would be bitter so she wouldn’t guess that he had put drugs in it.

Too much Netflix, Marin.

He drank from his own cup before he regarded her with his dark eyes. “My name is Kai Ikeda.” He bowed his head a little.

“I’m Marin Jansen.” To be polite she tried to drink a little more of the tea before she asked, “Where is your family?”

“Japan.” He set down his tea. “My parents are visiting our relatives in Osaka. They will not be home for another month.”

That confirmed that he was Japanese, but it also surprised her. “They left you here by yourself?”

“They didn’t want me to miss the beginning of school.” Kai took off his jacket and folded it before he set it aside. “Would you like to call your family and let them know where you are?”

Well, he’s definitely not planning to kill me.

“That’s okay. I just have to be home by six for dinner.” She looked at him, really looked at him for the very first time.

Kai had golden skin, long, narrow deep-set eyes, and black hair that was so shiny it almost appeared wet. He sat so still she wondered if he was breathing through his pores, if he even had any. His straight eyelashes shadowed his eyes a little, adding a little menace to his already unapproachable expression. Other girls would be afraid of him, but to Marin he was just different. She imagined the way her small face and vivid coloring looked seemed equally as odd to him.

What she didn’t know was why he’d brought her home with him. “Why am I here, Kai?”

“We feel the same pain. Only you really understand why I feel it.” He reached across the table and took hold of her hand. “I am tired of being alone and miserable.”

She watched him curl his fingers around hers. The unexpected contact didn’t make her nervous, but what he said confused her. If he wanted something to hang out with, why didn’t he ask one of the friends he sat with at lunch?

“I’m not going to be very good company.” She sounded like she was whining, so she blew out a breath and forced a smile. “At least now we know Beau and Cherie are together now. That’s better than thinking we still have a chance, right?”

“I don’t want to talk about them,” he said, and rubbed his thumb in the space between two of her knuckles. “What are you going to do now?”

“Beau isn’t going to break up with Cherie. They’re really perfect for each other.” Saying that out loud made her throat hurt. “What can we do but be miserable?”

“We don’t have to be lonely or in pain.” He let her go, stood up and came around the table to kneel down beside her. “We can give each other nagusame.”

She had no idea what he meant. Medicine, maybe? “Does that involve more of the green tea?”

“It means comfort.” Kai took her hand and pressed it against his chest. “Consolation.” He put his palm over her heart. “Relief.”

“Oh.” Marin felt as if she were watching all this happen to someone else, and yet at the same time her heart began pounding hard under his hand. “Is that what you call, um, sex in Japan?”

He shook his head. “We call it sex, too.”

“Sorry.” She didn’t want him to move his hand away, though. It was like riding with him on his motorcycle: something she’d never done; something she’d never thought she’d have the nerve to do. “I’m not sure what that means.”

“Nagusame can be whatever we want to do together that comforts us. We can talk.” He moved his hand from her chest to her cheek. “We can touch.” He stroked his thumb over her lips, and tipped her chin up so that she looked into his eyes. “We can do more.”

Marin took in a deep breath, and realized Kai smelled like pine and rain. “Why pick me for this?”

“You’re quiet, and keep your feelings to yourself. You love someone who doesn’t love you back. I’m the same.” He tilted his head. “We understand each other.”

He wasn’t joking, he was just watching her face intently. He wanted to be with her, a complete stranger, and do things. What would he do if she said no?

“If you don’t want this, I will take you home,” he said, as if he were reading her mind. “I won’t bother you again.”

He wanted to do this with her, or he wouldn’t have asked. Just like Beau had kissed Cherie as if he wanted her. They were probably already having sex in the back seat of his car. That was where Marin was supposed to have her first time with Beau, and now she never would. If she said no to Kai, she’d go home and lock herself in her room and cry herself to sleep every night for the rest of high school. She’d do the same thing through college, too.

Or I can be with someone who doesn’t want to be alone and miserable either.

She looked into his eyes, which gave away nothing of what he was thinking. He didn’t have thin, wide lips like Beau; his were fuller and softer-looking. She didn’t know if he would even be considered handsome; he looked nothing like the boys she knew. He had a tall, slim build, but he never wore tight clothes or short sleeves. She had felt the hard muscles of his chest under her hand, so she suspected he had a nice body.

Marin knew what she looked like: a freckled, redheaded fairy. She was barely five feet tall, and she could never gain weight, so she was thin, too. She had such tiny feet she had to buy her shoes in the children’s department. She’d finally filled out a little during her sophomore year, but compared to Cherie she still looked like she was twelve. People usually said she was pretty, but all she saw in the mirror was a nice, girl-next-door face. She would never be tall or built or gorgeous.

“I’m not like Cherie,” she told him.

He nodded. “I’m not like Parker.”

Her heart continued to pound hard, and now a funny sensation streaked from her neck to her stomach. She still felt unhappy, but the sadness didn’t seem as intense now. Maybe there was something to this nagusame idea. Besides, what else was there for her? She’d already lost everything.

“I’ve never done anything with a boy.” Yesterday Marin would have rather died than admit that, but it seemed better to be honest. Knowing that might change his mind. “Not even kissing.”

“That doesn’t matter to me,” Kai said.

He was crazy – this was crazy. They didn’t know each other, they were in love with other people, and yet . . . she wanted to feel something else than horrible and cold. Maybe he could give her some comfort, and she could do the same for him. It was better than sitting in her room and crying into her pillow so her mother wouldn’t hear.

“All right.” Marin looked into his eyes. “How do we start?”