Nagusame Part 1

Marin hurried out of her last class and ran to her locker, fumbling with the combination until she finally got it open. Shoving her books and backpack inside, she grabbed her purse and closed it before she ran the gauntlet of the students packing the halls.

“Rats. Oops. Sorry. Excuse me.” She smiled at a girl she bumped into as she tried to make her way to the nearest exit. Fortunately, a tall, black-haired boy was heading the same way, so she followed in his wake. She went around him to push open the door and run outside.

The first day of school usually sucked, but not this one. This absolutely would be the best day she’d ever had.

The afternoon sunshine felt wonderful on her face, and she knew it made her mop of curly red hair gleam like polished copper. She’d worn her favorite outfit, dark blue corduroys with a lacy white button-up blouse. Too much makeup made her pale blue-green eyes look alien, so she only used a little mascara to darken her red lashes and some strawberry gloss to make her lips look less babyish.

Today she was going to get her first kiss, too. Marin’s whole life was going to change; she could feel it.

She made it to the track in time to see the cross-country team gathering, and searched their faces until she saw the boy she adored. Big, blond and built like an Olympic athlete, Beau Parker was the school’s star miler, her brother’s best friend, and the love of her life. He’d promised they’d talk right after their practice, and she didn’t want him to forget. Over the summer he’d broken up with his girlfriend, so she knew it was the perfect time to tell him how she felt about him.

I know you like me, and I’m crazy about you. Why don’t we go out on a date?

Now that they were both seniors they could do everything together; Marin had it all planned. Beau would be her boyfriend for Homecoming, the Christmas Dance, Spring Break and Prom. On weekends they’d go on picnics and hikes and watch all of his favorite sports games on tv. After they graduated they’d be going to the same college; they were both at the top of their class and had already received their acceptance letters.

Maybe we’ll even get married.

Going to the fence, she lifted her arm to wave and catch Beau’s attention, and then froze as a tall, curvy brunette ran over and hugged him.

Slowly Marin dropped her hand and stepped back to watch as Cherie Smith, the head of the cheerleading squad, slung her arms around Beau’s neck. She was smiling into his face like she had every right to do that. Then Beau put his arms around the cheerleader and kissed her on the mouth.

He was kissing Cherie instead of her. That couldn’t be right.

Vaguely Marin remembered her brother James saying that the cheerleader had broken up with her boyfriend recently, too. Over the summer Cherie and Beau had been counselors at that camp for special needs kids. They must have spent a lot of time together.

I'm too late.

Marin backed away from the fence until she felt the edge of the bleachers against her calves, and lowered herself onto the aluminum bench slowly. Someone came and sat down next to her, but she couldn’t stop watching Beau and Cherie. It took forever for them to stop kissing, and then they hugged until the coach arrived and shooed the cheerleader off the track. Marin watched Cherie sit with a bunch of other popular girls to watch the practice. She looked happy and excited.

That was supposed to be me. Why isn’t that me?

“They’ve been dating since July,” a low voice said. “Parker gave Cherie his class ring. She wears it on a chain around her neck.”

Marin looked at the tall, black-haired boy sitting next to her. His name was Kai, although she couldn’t remember his last name. He was one of the Asian kids who never talked to anyone. “How do you know that?”

“I’ve been watching.” He looked over at Cherie. “I’m in love, too.”

Anyone else would have laughed over that confession, but Marin didn’t think it was funny. Cherie was one of the prettiest girls in the school; half the boys in their class had a crush on her. Kai had probably been watching her from afar for a long time. Marin had done the same thing with Beau. She knew everything about the boy she loved, from his favorite color to the music he liked. She’d wanted to know so she could be the perfect girlfriend.

All for nothing.

She watched Beau doing his warm-up exercises and wondered why she wasn’t sobbing or wailing. Had she turned to stone? She glanced at Kai. She couldn’t tell how he felt, but it was probably the same for him.

“Are you going to do anything about it?” Marin asked him.

“No.” Kai stood, and held out his hand. “Come on.”

Marin took his hand and held it as they walked back toward the school’s parking lot. He had very long fingers that felt cool against hers. Why was she doing holding hands and walking away with a boy she didn’t know? She must be really messed up. The buses had already left; she had been planning to ride home with Beau. It was a four-mile walk to her house. That was going to be not fun, but even that didn’t bother her.

Nothing mattered anymore, really.

Kai stopped by an old, beat-up motorcycle parked behind a corner of the gym and unstrapped a black helmet, offering it to her. When she frowned he said, “If you want to come with me, you have to wear it.”

He was going to take her for a ride? That seemed even more bizarre than holding hands with him. Jumping off the motorcycle without a helmet might solve her problems, though. Then again, it would be messy, and she might cause a crash that would kill someone else.

Marin took it from him. “Where are we going?”

“My house.” He got on the motorcycle and started the engine.

Once she put on the helmet Marin gingerly climbed on behind him and held the sides of the seat as he took off. She’d never been on any kind of bike but her Schwinn, and this was much faster. The speed and the wind rushing over her should have been scary. It wasn’t. She felt numb and lifeless, as if seeing Beau with Cherie had stopped her heart.

This is what dying must feel like. Nothing.

Kai drove across town and into one of the older neighborhoods, where he made a turn onto a dirt road. That led to a small house surrounded by pine trees. Wind chimes that made a tinkling sound in the breeze hung over the front door. He parked the bike on the side under a canopy and shut off the engine before he helped Marin climb off.

“Thanks.” She removed the helmet and handed it to him.

He put it on a shelf by the wall, used his keys to unlock the door, and held it open for her.

As soon as Marin stepped inside she expected to meet his mother, but the house stood dark and empty. Kai took off his shoes and put on a pair of slippers, and then offered her a smaller pair to wear. She left her shoes by the door and followed him through a living room with hardly any furniture to a screened-in porch with a low table and mats on the floor. Outside the back yard had some very big rocks, a lot of pale sand raked in lines and circles, and some peach trees.

“Sit.” He gestured at the mats. “I will make tea for us.”